Yesterday evening my dad and I went on a walk to the lake. The heat index was 109. What in the world? I took a few pics to capture the moment - I know I will not see temperatures like this in Budapest!
I'm honestly excited about some cooler weather in my future but I am not sure how this native Texan is going to deal with a real winter!?!?!
Later on, I cried to my dad on the couch and just let myself be sad about leaving home and heading out to the unknown. I have never obeyed God like this before. There is so much blind trust behind this leap of faith and it is stretching me in new ways. It hurts.
I got teary-eyed but did not truly cry at either of my farewell parties. I just couldn't process each goodbye as it came, and I felt like there was so much going on! I knew it would hit me later on, and yesterday it did - full force.
I told my dad I wish I was one of those people that didn't get all emotional about things. He said then I wouldn't be myself, and I would be less than who I was meant to be. I have never been that tough, stoic person. I am moved to tears by written words, movies, and (not even kidding) tv commercials!
Sometimes I wonder why God called someone like me to do something like this. I have never been a very adventurous soul. I love traveling but I would never describe myself as having wanderlust. I have never found it natural to leave home. But from the time I was a teenager, I felt God pushing me to new experiences and places, like going to summer camp (which was a big deal for a homebody like me) and studying abroad in college.
And now, this!
One of my favorite songs is "My Heart is Steadfast" by Ellie Holcomb. This song is based on Psalm 108: 1 - 6. I wish I could have found it on YouTube to share here but you can preview it on iTunes if you want to hear some of it!
I have listened to it ALOT lately to remind myself of God's presence and His sovereignty when I am feeling uncertain or anxious. I love the word steadfast. The dictionary defines it as "not changing, firmly fixed in place." It is hard to explain how my heart can feel the ALL emotions of leaving home, and yet feel steadfast in my decision.
My heart is steadfast, O God
I’ll sing praises up to Thee the among the nations
I’ll give thanks to Thee O Lord among the peoples
I’ll sing praises up to Thee in my soul
For Thy lovingkindness is great above the heavens
Thy truth it reaches to the skies
Be exalted O God above the heavens
And Thy glory over all the earth
That those who love may be delivered
Save with Thy right hand and answer me
Just wanted to share about how I am feeling with all of this. Thank you to everyone who is encouraging me along this path! I am so grateful.
Dear Laura,
ReplyDeleteI am probably unqualified to even comment on your blog. But I felt the nudge after reading your posts, which are SO good and heartfelt. So here I am. I chose to begin my comments here for more personal note, but will end it in FB, because I wanted to share a photo with you. And I have neither tried nor known if I could do that in blogs. I am not a blogger, I admit. ;-)
Gist of it is "what can go wrong?" as your dad would say.
When I left my country in Dec. 1971. I was 23 years young, real (?) prodigal son, without good purpose or driven like you. (I will post a photo in FB). I didn't hear God's call nor received His blessings or His people's support. Yet, I became over-blessed, as our mutual friend would say. So, fear not, Laura. For you are a faithful servant leader, truly responding to His call. You mother in heaven is looking down on you with her lovely smile. And she will be your guardian angel, with His blessing. May you be a mirror, reflecting His Love and Light; and you will show your lovely smile, as your mother would.
Sincerely,
D. Yup Kim
Thank you for sharing this! I know that you understand how difficult it is to leave all that you've ever known behind you. I love the picture you posted on Facebook, too. Thank you for all of your love, support and prayers!
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