September 26th

Her children arise and call her blessed: her husband also, and he praises her.  Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Proverbs 31: 28-29

Living in Hungary now is strange for a million reasons, but one of them is that no one here knows my family personally. What is even stranger is being in a place where no one knew my previous life when my mom was still alive. And how can I ever describe her?  I can never fully capture or explain how extraordinary she was using words...

  Her death changed everything for my life and for our entire family.  I feel like a completely different person before and after her death.  Those of you who have grieved deeply know about this before and after.  An identity shift occurs when you lose an irreplaceable part of your life.  I am still getting to know the new me even 4 years later and sometimes I don't recognize my own life (especially the part where God called me to serve Him overseas)!

My heart was broken into pieces on October 4, 2012 when my mom had an unexpected stroke and never woke up.  Initially I thought if I prayed enough and tried hard enough, God could put my heart back together.  But on this side of heaven, it remains broken and I believe it always will be. I hope it makes me more sensitive and tender-hearted towards others who are suffering.  I know God has used her death to completely change my faith in Him. This quote helped me realize the true meaning of "sorrowful yet always rejoicing" (1 Corinthians 6:10).  

“There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so. One must simply hold out and endure it. At first that sounds very hard, but at the same time it is also a great comfort. For to the extent the emptiness truly remains unfilled one remains connected to the other person through it. It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness. God in no way fills it but much more leaves it precisely unfilled and thus helps us preserve — even in pain — the authentic relationship. Furthermore, the more beautiful and full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The emptiness and the torment of memory is very real.  On one hand, I am grateful for the 29 years of precious memories with my mom. On the other, I long for the day when time has dulled the vivid memories of my mom's death and the reality of what our has family endured.  On the inside, I am still a little girl with a broken heart, missing a mother who is not coming back.  I dream of my childhood home and wake up sorrowful.  I know that part of my life is over, and will never be again. 

"But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy." Gratitude changes everything.  Gratitude for the gift of my mom has helped me choose joy even when it's hard.  I rejoice that she is still my mom and her death does not change that.  I rejoice that she is in heaven forever with the Lord and I will join her there someday! 

One thing is for sure: the love of my mother and the relationship we shared is truly a hidden treasure of which I can always be certain.  I have no idea how to explain how I feel loved by her when she is at home with the Lord and I am here on earth?  The distance between heaven and earth is surely not as far as we think.  I carry her love in my heart, every moment of every single day. It has become a silent joy, which means more than ever now that I am over 5,000 miles from Texas!  

Thank you to everyone who reached out to me today, and all those who continue to celebrate my mom's life with us, joyfully giving thanks for the gift that she was and continues to be! 

1983 ~ My first Christmas morning, Atascocita, Texas 

My Weekend!

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!  Just wanted to share an update from around here! 

Early Saturday morning was very rainy and brought a wonderful treat - a cool front!  I am so happy about it!  You can't tell from this picture very well, but it was cloudy, the leaves that had fallen were all clumped up and wet from the rain, and I just love it.  

But the biggest news of this weekend is that I finally got a bicycle!  I am so thankful for a new friend who drove me and my roommate to Decathlon (it is a huge sporting goods store). 

I will spare you the pictures she took of me riding around the test track (with dozens of small children...) They captured the moment but are less than flattering!  Instead I'll share the one of me with my newly purchased wheels on my driveway! 

Y'all, my bike has a bell and a basket!  Oh and don't worry, I got a maroon helmet too! By the time we got home, it had cleared up nicely and turned sunny! 

Today I tested it out with a ride to school and back and then to the grocery store and back. Both trips are about 1.2 miles one way.  I wanted to see how long it took and what the hills felt like.  I live on the Buda side of Budapest and it is known for being hilly.  I think I have figured out routes that minimize my uphill biking! 

Something about being on a bike makes me feel like a kid again.  My dad would say "Who is up for a bikel ridel?" We rode bikes as a family a quite a bit.  I loved growing up in my hometown with so many greenbelt trails! 

Later on I took a really long walk and did something I have not done since I moved here...listened to a podcast.  Thank you to Melanie and Sophie at the Big Boo Cast for making me smile.  They are both writers that I love!  One of the (many) reasons I love their podcast is that they both have southern accents but I can hear the regional differences when they talk.  They just chit chat about a million things and something about the phrases they use just make me think of listening to my mom and my aunt talking when I was a kid. "Listen, let me just tell you..."  "I got so tickled..." and so many more.  Anyone who remembers my mom knew she was a champion phone talker!  When I was a kid, she and my aunt were on the phone all the time (even thought they lived in the same town) (see also: me and my sister when I lived in Texas)! 

While walking and listening, I found a few cute new spots near my neighborhood!  

Cute little restaurant on a corner! 

A pretty park!  

Flowers on balconies are a thing here and I LOVE IT! 

Pinkish-purplish flowers! 

My house is just up this road - I loved how the sunlight coming through the clouds and hitting the pavement!  

In the interest of keeping it real about life around here, I tried to make dinner by myself today and it didn't go very well.  Cooking here is very different for many, many reasons that I will go not into now -- but suffice to say, it can be frustrating!  The silver lining is that part of what I made was still edible!  It's all part of the learning experience, right? 

This next week is only four days at ICSB because we have a staff retreat next week. SO excited about a little getaway!  It'll be nice to  have time to connect with other staff and hopefully spend some quiet time just reflecting on this school year so far! 

I hope y'all have had a fantastic weekend!  Thank you for all the love, support and prayers! 

   

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Top Ten Lists! :)

Life is so crazy busy right now!  It’s been a whirlwind from the time I got here and I am not sure when it is going to slow down!??!!?

But anyway - here’s a quick update in the form of 10 things that I’m still adjusting to/not 100% loving yet and 10 things I’m loving right now!

Ten "Different" Things: 

1. Life without a car.
2. Life without a dishwasher.
3. Life without a disposal in the kitchen sink.
4. Life without a clothes dryer (mainly missing that for my sheets and towels)
5. Life with different door handles and locks.  I have literally had to practice using both my house key and classroom key. 
6. Life without TV or movies.  We don’t have a TV, which I am fine with except that we also don’t have Wi-Fi yet so no internet! (please pause to join me in prayer….Dear Lord…please provide Wi-Fi at the rescheduled installation date which is tomorrow Wednesday September 7th…..)
7. Life full of items that are smaller and more narrow…roads, driveways, restroom stalls, refrigerators, just about everything!
8. Life full of seeing the Hungarian language everywhere and having absolutely no idea what it says. I have picked up a few things but not that many…
9. Life without packages of printed thank you notes or blank note cards.  I reallllly wish I had brought these with me from the U.S.  I didn’t know they would be hard to find here. The challenge is that I feel SO indebted to so many people right now (my roommates, my principal, fellow teachers and so many people that have reached out since I moved here!) and I wish I could be writing them all handwritten thank you notes but I have had to settle for email! :( 
10. Life without Yankee candles…another thing I wish I would have brought with me but they are heavy!  Going to have my dad bring some when he visits! :) 

Ten Wonderful Things: 

1. My school – ICSB.  The leadership, faculty and staff are awesome and have been so kind and helpful!  Everyone is focused on serving God through ministering to our students and their families. My elementary team is really great too!  
2. My principal and her family – they have been an amazing support!  They are so encouraging and welcoming, have had us over to their house, given us rides, and let my roommate and I use their car to run errands (she drove...I'm way too afraid to drive here yet…or maybe ever…)
3. My students – I am crazy about them!  I have 15 precious ones and I am thrilled to get to know them and begin the challenging work of meeting their needs and creating a learning environment where each one can thrive!
4. My roommates – Megan and Ashleigh!  I could write an entire post on this one.  I am SO thankful to live with such sweet girls who have lived here before and can help me with adjusting to life in this country.  They are so wonderful!
5. Food selection in grocery store – it is way better than I expected!  You can get just about anything you can think of! I have no complaints about food in this country!
6. Weather – Okay, it’s been warm but nothing compared to Texas.  I think we’ve had 3 rainy days since I’ve been here.  Most days are have been sunny and warm (highs in the mid-80s).  I have heard winter is long and gets old fast so I am trying to enjoy the warmth while it lasts (even though most places here do not have A/C including my classroom…teachers, I know you understand how not fun that is….)
7. The missionary community here – the faculty, staff and families at school and people I’ve met at church!  Everyone has been so welcoming and understanding about this part of my journey.
8. Diosd – it’s such a cute little town!  Compared to living in Houston, it feels very quaint.  I have been able to walk quite a bit and take in the sights.  It’s really lovely!
9. The amazing world of technology – the ability to text with people and Face Time with some of my family (hope to do more Face Time once I get Wi-Fi at home)! It is such a blessing to see what is going on in everyone’s life and makes me feel like I am not quite so far away!  I have had a few very faithful texters that I hear from almost every day and that warms my heart so much!  
10. SWEETS!  I have yet to find any sort of sweet treat here that I don’t like. :) My current Facebook cover and profile pictures have me eating an ice cream sandwich in the U.S. and gelato in Hungary.  Clearly this is a huge part of my life!

 (Side note to my people in the south – what is with the new Blue Bell flavor? Camo and Cream?  I feel like they could have done better.  Nuts in ice cream is not my love language, nor is camouflage anything.  Let me know if you have tried it!) 

Thank you all for the love, prayers and support! Amidst all the challenges of living here and getting adjusted to a new culture, God had filled my life with His blessings, goodness and joy.  I am so thankful!